Sex Toys & Chocolate Sauce: A Valentine’s Day Gift Guide

Ahh, Valentine’s Day. Your Hallmarkian birth into the global holiday calendar is one of humanity’s many great disgraces. With your odes to consumerism and your exaltation of hetero-monogamy and your annual perpetuation of loneliness everywhere, you truly are the most disgusting observance of love since sacrificial ceremonies of children. But alas—and quite unabashedly—you are here to stay, and thus we, here to celebrate. So like a good American, do your part this Friday and go buy your special someone meaningful things, because things, we all know, say I love you so much better than proper communication and genuine care.

text by: Bianca Ozeri & Emily Kirkpatrick










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